Choosing the Right Counselor
When you’re carrying pain, confusion, or shame from your past, the idea of stepping into a counselor’s office can feel overwhelming. Who do you trust with your story; especially the parts that barely make sense to you?
What do you look for when searching for a safe person to walk alongside of you? Should the letters behind a name give you the confidence that you are in the right place? Here are some things to look for and questions to ask when considering who to choose. Taking that initial step to get help and advocating for who it is that has the right to hear the details of your life, is the first step in finding healing and change.
1. Look for Someone Who Takes Your Story Seriously
Your life story matters—not just the facts, but the emotional weight and meaning you’ve assigned to it. So work with a counselor, therapist, soul care provider who believes that your past shapes your present, and who can help you make sense of that story.
When choosing someone, ask yourself:
Do they show curiosity and care about my life experiences?
Do they seem comfortable talking about childhood, trauma, or deep emotional pain?
Do they believe that healing involves more than just coping strategies?
A good caregiver doesn’t just want to fix symptoms—they want to understand your story with you.
2. Find Someone Who Can Stay With You in Pain
It is imperative to find someone who will “enter your story” without trying to rush you out of pain. Too many therapists and counselors focus on positive thinking or reframing without first sitting in the grief or terror with their clients.
In scripture, we see Jesus doing the opposite of this. He is the forerunner in our grief and pain- facing it at the cross, that is where we will find him- waiting to bring us comfort and healing when we go through our valley of the shadow of death. In those places he reveals that healing comes from being truly seen and heard—especially in our moments of anguish.
When interviewing a potential caregiver, notice:
Are they emotionally present, or do they retreat behind techniques?
Do they rush to reassure, fix, or spiritualize your pain?
Can they hold space for you to feel sadness, anger, or fear?
Look for someone who doesn’t just tolerate your pain but honors it.
3. Choose Someone Who Understands Trauma and the Body
Trauma isn’t just psychological—it’s stored in the body. This is rooted in the research of people like Bessel van der Kolk and Dr. Dan Siegel, amongst others.
When searching for a therapist:
Ask if they understand how trauma affects the nervous system.
Look for terms like “somatic,” “EMDR,” “trauma-informed,” or “attachment-based.”
Find out if they integrate the body into healing, not just the mind.
Healing often involves more than talking. It requires engaging the body and the emotional right brain—where trauma is held.
4. Trust Your Gut: Safety Matters Most
One of the most important aspects of healing is feeling safe. If your gut tells you that something feels off—even if the therapist or counselor or soulcare provider is “qualified”—listen to that. You should never feel judged, dismissed, or hurried in therapy.
After your first session, ask yourself:
Did I feel emotionally safe?
Was there a sense of kindness and curiosity in the therapist?
Could I imagine bringing more of myself into that room?
The relationship itself is part of the healing process. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to talk to your provider about how you are feeling with them.
5. Look for a Therapist Who Is Willing to Explore the Sacred
Encountering God’s presence in the midst of our story is deeply healing—but that requires a therapist who can hold the sacred with reverence, not religious platitudes.
If this matters to you, consider:
Does the therapist respect your faith journey (whether strong, struggling, or questioning)?
Are they open to exploring spiritual themes with depth, not dogma?
Can they hold space for your anger at God—or your longing for connection?
This doesn’t mean they need to share your faith, but they should be able to engage it thoughtfully.
Final Thoughts: Your Story Deserves Care
Choosing the right provider is one of the most important steps in your healing journey. Your story has shaped you—but it doesn’t have to define you forever. A good caregiver will help you make sense of your story, grieve your losses, and reclaim the parts of yourself that trauma tried to silence.
Sometimes you will find this safe place with letters behind the names; but other times they come in different packages. It comes from people who have walked through their own life story with a safe person or group of people and have been changed in the process. Don’t be afraid to ask what story work they have done or are currently doing.
Jesus, in talking with Peter after his downfall, sweetly tells him that after he has turned again, he is to go heal his brother. These are the people who are safest with your story- those who have walked the path of their story beforehand and are not afraid of the pain it holds.
You are worthy of that kind of care.
Further Reading, Make Sense of Your Story by Adam Young or his podcast, The Place We Find Ourselves