Becoming Whole by Being Held
Rural New Hampshire is a deeply spiritual place.
One of the most unchurched areas of our country, I find there is a richness of appetite for spiritual things. In this small community, I am surrounded by esoteric individualism, a new age spirituality. I hear people often talk about their pursuit of wholeness or getting back to their authentic, wild selves. And I can see why.
These longings are deeply human and they often arise from real pain, burnout, or a sense of disconnection from self and others.
In this new age of spirituality, wholeness is often framed as recovering or remembering one’s true self—a self believed to exist beneath conditioning, wounds, cultural expectations, and external authority. It is a path of breaking free from pressure, expectations and exhaustion. These visions encourage us to look inward, untethered from tradition or authority, to reclaim a true self that exists apart from limits, commitments, or even God. The spiritual journey is not about transformation by something outside the self, but about uncovering what is already there. Healing comes through self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-expression. The new age idea of wholeness offers integration without transcendence, healing without surrender, and freedom without rootedness. It can be soothing, empowering, and affirming—but it ultimately places the weight of salvation on the self.
A New Ladder to Climb
At first glance, new age wholeness feels like a welcome alternative to rigid or shame-based religion. It promises freedom from rules, permission to listen to the self, and healing without judgment. But over time, we discover that it quietly replaces one ladder with another. The rungs are different—self-awareness instead of obedience, inner alignment instead of holiness, healing instead of righteousness—but the climb remains.
The work still rests almost entirely on the individual. You must do enough inner work, process enough layers, uncover the right wounds, regulate your nervous system correctly, stay aligned, stay embodied, stay awake. If peace is elusive, the assumption is not that you need rescue, but that there is more work to be done. In this way, wholeness becomes an ongoing project of self-management rather than a gift to be received.
What changes is the language, not the weight.
Instead of asking, “Am I good enough?” The question becomes, “Am I healed enough? Aware enough? Integrated enough?
This creates an unspoken pressure:
If I’m still anxious, I haven’t done enough work.
If I’m triggered, I need to go deeper.
If I’m not whole, it’s because I’ve missed something.
And the self remains both the problem and the solution—left to climb toward wholeness without an external savior to carry the load.
The Gentle Invitation
The Gospel offers a radically different invitation. Jesus does not hand us a better ladder; He steps into our exhaustion and says,
“Come to me… and I will give you rest.”
True flourishing is not found by turning inward alone, by striving harder, or by casting off all limits in pursuit of freedom. Rather, Scripture invites us into a quieter, deeper hope: we are made whole as we are held by God, gently restored through relationship with Him. Wholeness is not achieved by climbing higher into self-mastery, but by being met where we are, lifted by grace, and held in secure attachment to God. Christian flourishing is not about becoming untamed or self-defined, but about becoming rooted, healed, and integrated—learning to live freely within the loving care of the One who knows us fully and loves us completely. We are invited to live life in the presence of our loving Father.
What Does Flourishing Mean in a Christian Context?
Christian flourishing is more than happiness or well-being; it is life lived in harmony with God’s design—a life marked by peace, relational integrity, purpose, and love. In biblical theology, this vision of flourishing overlaps with shalom, the Hebrew word that conveys wholeness, harmony, and well-being in every dimension of life: spirit, body, mind, and community. Pastor and Theologian Tim Keller describes human flourishing as a deeply biblical vision of life as God intended it to be—rooted in relationship with God, ordered by love, and lived for the good of others within the larger story of Scripture, which is moving us towards shalom.
Holiness and Wholeness: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Under the Kingdom of God, holiness and wholeness are deeply connected. To be holy—set apart for God—is to be shaped by God’s character and presence. God Himself is the Holy One, utterly pure and distinct from sin, and His call to us is to be holy as He is holy.
But holiness isn’t merely moral perfection or behavior modification. It’s about being transformed from the inside out, becoming more like Christ in our desires, affections, relationships, and purpose. This transformation is what brings true wholeness—a life integrated around the love and presence of God.
Wholly: Becoming Whole and Holy
In his book, Sacred Attachment, Michael John Cusick, explores the intimate connection between our wounds, our spiritual identity, and God’s transformative love. He reinforces this idea that true wholeness isn’t about self-improvement or performance, but about being held, seen, soothed, safe, and secure in God’s love—the very conditions that foster secure attachment with God and others. Rather than hiding brokenness or striving to appear holy, Cusick emphasizes that true holiness emerges as we allow God to heal the fragmented parts of ourselves and integrate those experiences into our spiritual life.
This process involves facing our pain honestly, recognizing how our attachment patterns shape the way we experience God, and learning to rest in God’s presence rather than striving on our own. Through this journey, wholeness and holiness become intertwined: as God’s love restores our inner world, we become more fully ourselves and more deeply rooted in Christ’s holiness.
Flourishing in Everyday Life
A Christian vision of flourishing doesn’t ignore life’s struggles. Rather, it reorients our suffering within the greater story of God’s redeeming love. Instead of asking only “How do I fix myself?” we learn to ask, “How is God inviting me into deeper trust, hope, and love?”
What we find with Keller’s Gospel vision and Cusick’s trauma informed approach are these three anchors:
Flourishing is anchored in identity in Christ, not break throughs.
Wholeness grows where woundedness meets God’s transforming grace.
Holiness is not distant perfection—it’s participation in God’s life and love.
Flourishing by Being Held
To flourish as a follower of Jesus is to abide in His love, to let our souls be shaped by His grace, and to walk toward wholeness with compassion for ourselves and others. In this journey, we discover that God calls us not to self-sufficiency, but to divine attachment—a place where we are truly known, deeply loved, and gently transformed. Whether in our work, our relationships, or our inner life, flourishing in Christ means living with open hands, open hearts, and an open reliance on the God who makes all things new.
Christianity offers a truer, gentler, and more durable way to become whole. New Age spirituality often asks the self to be both wounded and wise, both the problem and the solution. Even when the language is gentle, the responsibility remains: You must heal yourself.
Christian wholeness begins by lifting that burden. The gospel does not ask us to fix ourselves before we are loved. Instead, it announces that we are already loved—and that love is what heals us. Wholeness is not a task we accomplish, but a gift we receive.
New Age wholeness often aims at autonomy: being regulated, integrated, and self-sufficient. But human beings are not designed for self-containment. We are designed for attachment.
New Age wholeness often stops at feeling better or being more aligned. But Christian wholeness is oriented toward love—love of God and neighbor.
Healing in the Christian vision deepens our capacity to love, frees us from self absorption, forms character, not just insight.
Wholeness and holiness belong together. We are not just healed for ourselves, but for communion and faithfulness.